“AS THE STOMACH CHURNS ”

By Jan Snyder

A couple of months ago, I wrote about the arena situation for the Penguins in Pittsburgh. Finally, after seven long years of waiting, the deal is done!  The Pens will stay in the city for at least 30 more years. Hopefully, “Grampa” Mario will still be watching from a luxury box as the team skates the Stanley Cup.
 
Saying these negotiations have been up and down is the understatement of the year.  We fans would become so excited, thinking a deal was close, only to have our hopes dashed again and our stomachs churning again by the thought of our beloved team picking up stakes and moving away.  The worst part was how hopeless we felt as fans unable to do a thing to help the situation.  Lemieux looked dire, the politicians all sat on their respective fences, the team played amazingly well and the fans went from worried to hopeful to excited about the team, to terrified of losing them.

So now it’s all over – we can breathe a sigh of relief and go back to doing what we should have been doing all along – enjoying this amazing group of young Penguins who have bonded, who are having fan and who are providing highlight reel goals. With the stars of the team being so young, we can only dream of how good they can still become.   

Mario is the savior again – a veritable hat trick of saves!  First in 1984 when he dragged the franchise from the cellar, again in 1999 when he bought the team to keep it out of bankruptcy and now – keeping them where they belong for a long time to come.  Unbelievable and wonderful!  In the immortal words of Badger Bob, “It’s a great day for hockey!”

*****

Speaking of stomachs churning, am I the only one who finds all the “body function” ads that run during sporting events offensive?  Maybe this is just an American TV phenomenon. 

First let me say that I’m not much of a pill taker.  I take something for allergies and an occasional aspirin. But I’m not one to take a pill for every little thing.  Also, during many games, I’m eating my dinner – these commercials are not conducive to good digestion (maybe I need a pill)!

During a recent game on Versus, there were two ads for a “male enhancement” product, accompanied by the most annoying whistling and “face making” by the “male”.  During games on other channels, we see ads where four silver-haired men are riding in a convertible, we’re told, on a road trip.  But one of them has to make frequent “pit stops”.  Only one??  I guess the other three are already on the pill for that.   

So many others are for guys who can’t, ahem, perform.  There must be five or six different products for this problem.   

Yet another is a spot where a couple tell us how very happy they are, despite the fact that one of them has genital herpes, but as yet, hasn’t given it to the other because of the wonderful medication available to them.

These all sound like personal problems to me.  People with these problems should see their doctors and the rest of us shouldn’t be subjected to hearing about all the “symptoms” and all the anatomically-correct words that are used in the descriptions.  I’m sure these problems have existed for years but no one ever saw fit to advertise for them before now.  The drug companies are pushing so many drugs for so many things.  They have pills to elevate your mood, help you sleep, keep you awake, relieve your stress, keep you “regular” – I’ll stick with my allergy medicine and aspirin.  If I ever need any of the others, I’ll see my doctor. I’m sure he will have a pill for what ails me – after all, he’ll have seen it on TV.